I don't know what has been the cause of my reflective thoughts lately, being another year older, having another child, having a child start school. Maybe it is a combination of all. Either way it seems like I spend a bit more time thinking about who I am and more so, who I was in school. I think I was (and probably still are) a bit naive as to what is going on around me. I think of the people who have come and gone in my immediate circle of daily life. Some I know a little bit of what they are doing now, some I have no clue and some I wonder what they are up to.
I think some of my reflection is school, and the pressure to fit in, or the idea that "those are the most important things" when now they are such small importance's (i.e., friends, dances, being popular, etc) I was the witness of some teen girls "cattiness" and after about 25 minutes of it I finally opened my mouth to hopefully help one young girl see that her actions were not nice. Who know what came of it...probably that I was some withcy woman sticking her nose in another's business. But when you are right in line behind them for that long of time, it is hard to not want to do something. But in the 24.5 minutes I stood there just listening I was thinking how SCARY it will be to have a kid that age and the social pressure they will have to deal with.
Maybe if I felt my memory was better I could remember what it was like for me. But I don't, sadly to say. I don't remember the "cattiness'' that people say girls are. I don't remember the desire to be cool or fit in. Maybe I wasn't or didn't, or maybe I was taught that it didn't matter. I worry that I won't be able to help my kids the way I was helped/taught. I wonder if I will be the kind of parent they can turn to. Sometimes I worry I won't because I don't think I was the friend that was even the one someone turned to for help. Sad to day but I have been wondering if any of my "friends" from years previous were positively impacted by me, or if they wish they stayed in better touch like I do. And maybe that will have no reflection of how my parenting will be.
My mind is all over the place here, but I guess to anyone who ever reads this, maybe it will help them see that they are not alone in reflective thinking. Maybe. Maybe Not. Most of these are just thoughts, not questions.
Bottom line I guess that I take comfort in when I am reflectively thinking is that I am (we are) a child of God. He loves us, He is there for us. If we strive to do those things that keep Him in our life, we will be happy in the end, we will be BLESSED beyond contemplation. He knows us, He LOVES us. He will guide and help us, and He will send people into our lives that will also do the same.
I probably should just archive this in my computer somewhere and not post it because I a not an eloquent writer but even if I keep it to myself until I think clearer or write better, I will have forgotten and no one will see that there are other people out there with the same reflective wonderments. I guess it's my attempt to get thoughts out there (I would say on paper, but this isn't paper and I am not sure what the new term would be) and help myself and anyone else.